This is me

When I was a little girl, I craved creativity.  I was always looking for something to create.  My big brother once helped me make a post office out of an old appliance box my parents had.  I was in heaven and spent many hours “working” at the post office.  I also remember a time standing on the playground telling my friend I wanted to be a photographer AND a teacher when I grew up.  There’s no way I could be a teacher.  Bless all the teachers – you have the most significant job out there in teaching and impacting our kids.  I’m thankful for you everyday.

Fast forward to 23-year-old me.  I married the guy who told me I was beautiful when I was in my sweats and no make up.  This guy actually loved me.  And I loved him too.  There was a span of time I was working out of town and we had a long-distance relationship.  I always felt like something was missing when we weren’t together.  That’s how I knew he was the one.  Three years into our marriage we welcomed our first baby and a few years later we welcomed our second baby.  We had it all – our dream home that we built, two amazing humans to raise, a great marriage (not perfect, but great) and both had careers in downtown Calgary.  After 14 years of living in Calgary we decided to move back to Saskatchewan.  It was extremely hard to leave Calgary for the fact that we had built a life there, raised our kids for the most part and had so many memories.  We now live in a gorgeous community outside the city which is something we’ve always wanted.  A home that would carry us through the growing of our kids and great for hosting big family dinners.

I’m going to talk about my day job for a minute.  My boss at the time let me move my job from Calgary to Regina.  Pretty amazing right?  This company has always been flexible, family first and never questioned why I needed to leave to be with a sick kid.  My manager’s main concern when my dad was sick wasn’t how much work I was missing but am I looking after myself.  My current boss is compassionate and understanding.  He’s given me grace more times that I can count.  He was fully supportive when I went to him with a request to take a leave of absence.  I needed a break and I’m pretty sure he knew that.

My entrepreneurial career.  My passion.  Yes, I love photography, being creative and learning new things all the time.  It’s a great outlet for me.  But I also truly and deeply love every client I’ve worked with.  Capturing and documenting the memories of your life is the forefront of my business and has had the biggest impact on me.  This is my passion, my dream, my life and what I’m meant to be doing. 

Everything looks good on the outside.  According to my life map I was doing what I was supposed to do.  But I was left feeling like this isn’t the life that I wanted to live and I wasn’t happy.  Deep down I was not happy.  Was it the fact that I had to work a day job and pursue my photography business?  Why can’t I be one of those people that ditches the day job to pursue those dreams?  Why didn’t I start my entrepreneurial journey when I was 18?  I was left with all these questions and at times a lot of regret.  I went into victim mode.

Dealing with these types of questions are ok when the rest of your life is running smoothly.  But when life happens it can be tough.  My dad passed away almost 3 years ago, my nephew took his life a few months after that and my uncle passed away 4 months later.  There’s only so much a person can deal with.  I wasn’t only in victim mode but I was now moving at such a fast pace in my life I didn’t give myself much time with my thoughts and when I did I was a mess.

Eighteen months ago I picked up my first Rachel Hollis book – Girl Wash Your Face.  Someone posted about it online and I didn’t even think about it – went straight onto Indigo and bought it.  While reading the book I constantly though holy shit – this is me!  She validated so many feelings I’ve had for years.  YEARS!  We’re talking all the way back to my childhood.  I was hooked.  What she said resonated with me – deeply.  There is MORE for me and it’s ok to want MORE!!  This right here started my personal development journey.  A turning point. 

I decided it was time to move out of victim mode.  It wasn’t a fun place to be.  I had a choice.  I can either live how I am now or I can live my life how I want it.  I asked myself what are the things I can control and what can’t I control.  This was an easy exercise for me.  It was super clear. 

Getting uncomfortable and at times scaring myself a bit to ask for what I wanted actually made my life better.  I was starting to become happier.  Even if there was a bit of failure in there I was still making progress.  Progress = happiness.  Changing the things I can control meant asking for what I want. 

My second turning point and the most impactful so far – the Power of Success conference.

I went to the conference with intention – 150% of my body and mind was there.  Nothing existed outside of what I was listening to.  I’ve never jumped, clapped, and danced so hard in all my life.  I was hungry for everything the presenters said.  Rachel Hollis came on and I hung off of every single word she said and seeing her live impacted me even more than her books did.  Tony Robbins was the last presenter of the day and we went all the way into the evening.  I knew about him but wasn’t 100% familiar with all of his practices.  I never expected the huge impact he would have on me.  This was my life changer right here.  The strategies he gave us over the 6 hours have forever changed and impacted how I choose to live. 

I’m right where I need to be and meant to be.  In my business.  In my life.  At my day job. 

Where I am today and where I’m headed is nothing like I’ve ever experienced before.  I’m building trust in myself.  I’ve found my voice to ask for what I want.  I’ve accepted failure in order to succeed.  I’m attaining goals I’ve tried to reach for 15 years.  I was made for more!

Practicing fulfillment and happiness everyday in my journey right now was key for my life.  I realize this is what I was lacking two years ago.  I wasn’t allowing myself to be happy and fulfilled in that season of life or in that part of the journey until I reached my goal.  You can’t just be happy when you reach a goal.  What about your life in between?  I have some big audacious goals that sometimes scare my husband.  But if I wasn’t always reaching for more then what?  I used to be embarrassed about these dreams and goals.  Scared to say them out loud.  Wondering why I wasn’t happy with just what I have?  If I didn’t start to bite these dreams and goals off into chunks and start asking for what I want then how the hell will I ever get there.  This is a work in progress for me daily.  Every day I practice to live in happiness and fulfillment.  And yes, some days I still struggle. 

I’ve got an amazing community of people around me, I’ve changed my mindset and have changed my standards for what I want. 

I’m am no longer living the life I THINK I’m supposed to live.  I’m now living the life I WANT to live.

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